‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’

Throughout our lives we are faced with things that we fear, that frighten us or that simply present the unknown. This can cause us stress, anxiety or, at worst, create phobias. Simply put, fears can impact the quality of how we live our lives.

Over the years I have been fearful of things like the dark, the boogie man, heights and even spiders and snakes can send a shiver down my spine. I have been afraid of many things and continue to be challenged on a daily basis yet most of the time I always find a way to turn fear into curiosity and face my fear with courage, confidence and creativity. Eventually I become eternally grateful for the lesson it brings and the daily reminder to trust in life and love.

One of my biggest fears that I have had to face recently, as strange as it might be, is my emotion. I am a very kinaesthetic and sensitive person, so I feel everything and experience a range of emotions every day, to which I can choose to react or respond. Past experience would indicate I react more often than not, creating negative outcomes and a continuous cycle of blame and regret. I have tried to suppress my emotions, run from them and fight with them at times, but all to no avail. In fact it’s only made it worse.

My epiphany came when I recently took to the water to start boogie boarding and learn Stand-Up Paddle boarding. Firstly there is just something peaceful about the beach and the sheer size of the ocean reminds me of the bigger picture. The irony of it all, of course, is that the element of water actually represents the emotion of life.

Stepping out into the ocean to catch waves with my boogie board, I remember thinking to myself, if I swim out deeper; I can catch the bigger waves and have a better ride. Only to be hit the next moment with thinking about the possibility of sharks and the strength of the tide. ‘I’m just not sure if I’m safe’, I would say to myself. What’s the worst that could happen I thought? What’s the best that could happen if I conquer this fear?

Then the following week, I was in the ocean one morning as I was learning to Stand-Up Paddle board; unsure of my balance and fearful to fall in, I would tense up and start thinking about those sharks again. I kept hearing my instructor say, “relax, be one with the board and feel the water as it ebbs and flows. The more you relax, the less likely you will fall in and the more enjoyable the ride will be”.

Seeing the synchronicity of my experience in the water to my fear about emotions, I started to realise that I needed to relax and accept my emotion. Feel it and face it with curiosity rather than judgement, and explore it and master it in order to conquer my fear. Why am I feeling this? What can I do about it? How can I use this to make my life better?

Slowly but surely, I’m starting to master my emotions. I realise it’s what drives me to connect back into myself when I’m preoccupied with the outside world or too busy to stop and take a breath; it’s what teaches me to care about others and be compassionate, it’s what motivates me to want to make a difference to the world we live in so our children and our children’s children can live an even better life than us.

So my epiphany was that my fears actually teach me how to live.

So why are we fearful?

Past experiences can teach us old habits or the unknown can make us feel out of control or out of our comfort zone.

What can we do to conquer our fear?

ACCEPT IT: Rather than supress it, run from it or fight with it, accept the fear for what it is, feel it and face it.

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EXPLORE IT: Discover the REALITY that lies behind it, underneath it, what drives it or what the fear is there to remind you of.

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MASTER IT: Make it work for you to push you past your comfort zone, to learn something new or to even master your dreams and aspirations. What’s the worst that could happen? What’s the best that could happen if you conquer it or let it go?

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So what fear do you have that, once conquered, could change your life for the better?

Courtney ‘Co-Creator’ Wilson

m: +61 (0)417 107 888e: courtney.connect@outlook.com

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What is Your Intention for 2014?

With the ‘silly season’ behind us, January is a time of rest and reflection. To set new intentions for the year ahead and to honour the year that was. For me, my intention for 2014 is to start to ‘Cultivate Connection’ and build quality relationships both professionally and personally. The experiences of 2013, I have to say, were rough and tough. It showed up all my “stuff” that demanded some much needed attention, pronto. The year highlighted the absolute necessity for me to start relating to people differently; to respond more and react less; to go within rather than seek external validation; and to transform my co-dependent behaviour into healthy relationships.

I ask myself, what is co-dependency?

If you feel that you are not good enough, you compare yourself or search for acceptance from others, you constantly feel like you are the “victim” yet feel guilty when you stand up for yourself; you are reactive, you notice unhealthy habits or have repressed anger, these could be just a few red flags you are co-dependent on someone.

“Co-dependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships and often involves placing a lower priority on one’s own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.”

It’s important not to confuse co-dependence with caring. There is nothing wrong with nurturing; we are all interdependent, however, in short, the needs of the co-dependent are constant.

Low self-esteem and poor boundaries are two of the main symptoms of co-dependency. Co-dependents look to others for the answers and have difficulty seeing others as separate individuals, with their own feelings, needs, and motivations. They feel powerless or incompetent and at the same time responsible and guilty for others’ feelings and actions, which accounts for the high reactivity, conflict and caretaking in co-dependent relationships.

How can I overcome it?

It’s a common saying that you will largely be over your co-dependency when you recognize just how good you are!

It’s always nice to be recognized from a respected peer, friend or family, yet, in order for you to be independent and to build quality relationships you must first give at least 80% of your total recognition to yourself. A simple concept, yet at times, this can be easier said than done, because if you are anything like me, I can be my own worst critic.

In Co-dependency for Dummies, Darlene Lancer states that just a little self-examination, and redirection, may have you on a more fulfilling path. Awareness is a major first step to a new concept, and awareness alone often alleviates many symptoms. If you would like to know a little more, I recommend you watch a short 5 minute video about the 4 A’s of recovery: Abstinence, Awareness, Acceptance, and Action. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlU1bTlrGMY. I personally relate to the notion that recovery is a life long journey and love the part about taking risks and learning from them to create a positive upward spiral along the way.

For me, 2014 is the year to be disciplined when it comes to my thoughts, feelings and behaviours; to force myself to go within for the answers, recognition and acceptance. I’m going to take the risk and set healthy boundaries for myself and for those in my life. It is imperative for me to look after my own needs first and foremost, because only then can I be of true service to others and build quality, healthy relationships.

What is Your Intention for 2014?

Courtney ‘Co-Creator’ Wilson

m: +61 (0)417 107 888e: courtney.connect@outlook.com

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Hello!

Hi & Welcome to my blog,

It is my soul’s purpose to Cultivate Connection and Build Relationship through CREATIVITY, COMMUNICATION and EDUCATION.

BUILDING RELATIONSHIP = identifying the true value of individuals and organisations in order to cultivate and nurture quality relationships that will establish a coherent and unified humanity and the creation of better solutions for the future.

CREATIVITY = demonstrating the importance of creativity to design life with purpose and support personal creative ability, an essential ingredient to coherent collaboration.

COMMUNICATION = A new way to communicate to bring individuals and/or organisations together, that are aligned in vision, to promote trust, collective determination and achieve unity of effort through sharing knowledge and building consensus.

EDUCATION = providing a safe environment that supports everyone to be informed, do their best thinking and practice and enable group members to better understand coherence, collaboration and co-creation.

Let’s Create, Communicate and Educate together….

Courtney ‘Co-Creator’ Wilson

m: +61 (0)417 107 888e: courtney.connect@outlook.com

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