Knocking Down the Walls that Separate…

This month of November 2014 marks the 25th Anniversary of when the Berlin Wall fell…

An auspicious occasion to remember and an opportunity to reflect and ask the question; why do we put up Walls?  And why is it important to knock them down and unite with those around us?

When I read about the history of East Berlin, Germany, the Wall is claimed to have been erected to protect its people from fascist elements, views and opinions conspiring to prevent the “will of the people” in building a socialist state. With a lack of trust in their neighbours, the concrete Wall was constructed, along with guard towers, anti-vehicle trenches, “fakir beds” and other defences.

What the Wall did, in actual fact, over the 28 years that it stood tall, was only to imprison and serve to control its people, which caused the demise of an economy. Not to mention separate family and friends, cause unnecessary panic and unrest and the death of those trying to cross the border.

It’s been 25 years since the Wall came down, since the East and West have united, but you can still see the effects of what the Wall, of what ultimately control did to the economy of the East.  In an aerial shot taken by Commander Hadfield from the international space station, you clearly see the West shines with modern fluorescent white lights, compared to those in the East which basks in a yellow glow, reflecting the old sodium lights. (picture courtesy of the British Telegraph)

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On foot, as you walk from the West to the East, you get a further sense of the impact. The West has clearly benefited from the prosperity of the second half of the 20th century and it very much feels like a modern western European city. While in the East, you just have to look at the change in the architecture to know its history. It is filled with square blocks, functional looking buildings that were put up by the communist authorities.  A now unified city, however, with no Wall to control its people and the opportunity to collaborate with its neighbours, progress is being made; East Berlin is now one big building site, with unlimited potential and possibility.

As I reflect on my own life and all the times I have put up Walls due to fear of ‘perceived’ differences, or lack of trust in those around me, I recognise how this was my way of trying to control things. Yet now I see how this, in actual fact, has stopped certain things in my life from evolving; from building friendships, to sharing moments or simply experiencing what life has to offer. Basically the Walls constructed in fear, to ultimately get a sense of control, actually stops the flow of life, the flow of connection, the flow of creation.

And as I translate this into how I collaborate with others at work and in the community, I see how putting up Walls and the need to control a situation limits how we work together, the flow of creativity and negatively impacts the progression of new ideas; of co-creating quality solutions; of ultimately turning passion and vision into actions.

You just have to see the before and after pictures of Berlin to know this to be true and to witness the transformation that takes place when we come together, without Walls, and unite….

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Like Berlin, it’s time to knock down the Walls, to let go of control and Unite.

Let’s Connect, Collaborate and Co-create a better and brighter future together.

Who’s with me?

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(Pictures courtesy of the ABC)

Courtney ‘Co-Creator’ Wilson

m: +61 (0)417 107 888e: courtney.connect@outlook.com

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Living in the Moment

It has become quite obvious to me recently that I have lived most of my life in my head, most likely due to my analytical nature and conscientious mind; preplanning, organising and calculating what I “should” do next for the “best” outcome. I dwell on the past, worry about the future and fantasise about being on holiday. I get so caught up in the expectations of life, people and situations I have the tendency to seldom just go with the flow. My ‘monkey mind’ usually equates to being preoccupied with thinking I have to do something to make things happen and then when I do act, I’m left feeling guilty and full of regret. In business, and in my personal life, this tendency to jump from tree to tree can appear forced and controlled and contributes to high levels of indecisiveness, stress and anxiety, not just for me but for everyone involved.

Every now and then, however, I remember to relax and experience life; usually when I’m looking at something breathtaking, doing something that I really enjoy or experiencing a moment that touches my heart. It’s in these moments, I let go of thought, I feel alive, connected and my life becomes effortless. I allow life to unfold and act only when inspired to do so and when I do act I’m not attached to any specific outcome. Life becomes peaceful and uncomplicated.

So I ask myself, what can I do to balance the scales so my life is constantly in the flow, effortless and peaceful?

And the answer is simple; live in the moment by being mindful and connected.

I remember to observe my thoughts that come and go, without judgement, and at the same time have the courage to connect to everyone and everything that presents itself, especially the smaller things in life. Most importantly, I let go of all expectations and have faith. I offer life, people and every situation my full attention so that when I act, I trust it. Who knows, it may not turn out the way I expected but something else just might transpire instead.

I realise practice makes perfect; that every day is a new day and I’m gentle on myself. With each day, I start again and observe my thoughts, knowing that some days may be harder than others. I cultivate a connection with something I enjoy; walking along the beach, watching the sunrise or sunset, listening to music or dancing to a tune and then expand this to all experiences in life. When it comes to building relationships, both professionally and personally, I have the courage to look people in the eye and practice being present by allowing the situation to unfold without judgement or expectation. It can lead to extraordinary things or at the very least it lends itself to an authentic and stress free and peaceful experience.

I recognise that when I am mindful and connected, I trust life and life trusts me.

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live”. Goethe

So take a deep breath, relax and start humming this song ….

 

I leave you with one thought to think each day “Are you living in the moment”?

Courtney ‘Co-Creator’ Wilson

m: +61 (0)417 107 888e: courtney.connect@outlook.com

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Competition vs Collaboration

Recently in the workplace, and in life, I have been exploring the concept of competition and collaboration. What I have observed is a significantly higher tendency towards competitive behaviour as opposed to collaborative efforts. This left me asking the question why? Is competition really good for business or is it simply a ‘traditional’ way of operating that requires some much needed attention and re-direction?

According to Wikipedia, “Competition occurs naturally between living organisms which co-exist in the same environment. Competition, in biology, ecology, and sociology is a contest between organisms, animals, individuals and groups for territory, a niche, for resources and goods, mates, for prestige, recognition, awards, social status, for leadership. Competition is the opposite of cooperation. It arises whenever at least two parties strive for a goal which cannot be shared or which is desired individually but not in sharing and cooperation”.

In short, we are all born with a natural instinct to compete, but again is this really good for business or life in general? And can we change our habitual nature with emotional intelligence?

“The primary belief that drives competition is that it helps the crème rise to the top, it drives excellence!”

If I think back to my childhood at school, I can see where the idea of ‘excellence’ started with grades, exams, assignments and contests. If you were caught sharing knowledge or collaborating with others, say during an exam or an assignment, this was considered cheating! We were taught from a very young age to compete with one another and to take pride in being the top of the class. And the only way to get there was to know it all…yourself.

Therefore, it’s clear our education has encouraged our natural instinct to compete but again does this really work in life in general? Competition is completely the opposite to most of the aims of building communities, whether as teams, organisations or families. And isn’t this the main driver behind life in general … to build communities?

So while I agree that “competition can help promote curiosity as we see in all the extraordinary innovations in the business, scientific, sport and academic worlds, if unchecked it can also drive a close minded, un-sharing mindset where the focus shifts to defensiveness and protecting what we have”.

What is collaboration?

Collaboration is working with each other to do a task and to achieve shared goals. At the conceptual level, it involves Awareness, Motivation, Participation, Negotiation, Exchange, Reflection and Engagement. Now doesn’t that just feel better!

The aim of collaboration is to produce synergy and coherence, or in other words, cooperation and unity; outcomes that are only possible by working with others. Effective collaboration, however, is hard to achieve, because various businesses, teams and people have different aims, traditions and styles of working. Overcoming differences to create productive collaboration is a key challenge and you can only do this by realising you don’t have all the answers and you don’t need to know it all. As an alternative you recognise the gifts and talents each team player brings and respect that each person has an important part to play in achieving the task at hand or the shared goal. To relate it back to exams, it’s redefining the word cheating into a belief that cheating is in actual fact the act of not sharing! If someone asked you what you thought about a particular question on the exam and you didn’t share your thoughts this would be labelled cheating! Imagine what this belief would create in our society….

So my conclusion is this ….a touch of competition is healthy and can keep us striving towards new discoveries and innovations, yet as they say “two heads are better than one”. And in the sports industry, well, there can only be one winner. However, when it comes to business and life in general, and the type of people you want to work with, be led by and surround yourself with, the world needs more collaboration and team work and less competition and conflict.

So what can you do today to be a better team player?

Courtney ‘Co-Creator’ Wilson

m: +61 (0)417 107 888e: courtney.connect@outlook.com

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‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’

Throughout our lives we are faced with things that we fear, that frighten us or that simply present the unknown. This can cause us stress, anxiety or, at worst, create phobias. Simply put, fears can impact the quality of how we live our lives.

Over the years I have been fearful of things like the dark, the boogie man, heights and even spiders and snakes can send a shiver down my spine. I have been afraid of many things and continue to be challenged on a daily basis yet most of the time I always find a way to turn fear into curiosity and face my fear with courage, confidence and creativity. Eventually I become eternally grateful for the lesson it brings and the daily reminder to trust in life and love.

One of my biggest fears that I have had to face recently, as strange as it might be, is my emotion. I am a very kinaesthetic and sensitive person, so I feel everything and experience a range of emotions every day, to which I can choose to react or respond. Past experience would indicate I react more often than not, creating negative outcomes and a continuous cycle of blame and regret. I have tried to suppress my emotions, run from them and fight with them at times, but all to no avail. In fact it’s only made it worse.

My epiphany came when I recently took to the water to start boogie boarding and learn Stand-Up Paddle boarding. Firstly there is just something peaceful about the beach and the sheer size of the ocean reminds me of the bigger picture. The irony of it all, of course, is that the element of water actually represents the emotion of life.

Stepping out into the ocean to catch waves with my boogie board, I remember thinking to myself, if I swim out deeper; I can catch the bigger waves and have a better ride. Only to be hit the next moment with thinking about the possibility of sharks and the strength of the tide. ‘I’m just not sure if I’m safe’, I would say to myself. What’s the worst that could happen I thought? What’s the best that could happen if I conquer this fear?

Then the following week, I was in the ocean one morning as I was learning to Stand-Up Paddle board; unsure of my balance and fearful to fall in, I would tense up and start thinking about those sharks again. I kept hearing my instructor say, “relax, be one with the board and feel the water as it ebbs and flows. The more you relax, the less likely you will fall in and the more enjoyable the ride will be”.

Seeing the synchronicity of my experience in the water to my fear about emotions, I started to realise that I needed to relax and accept my emotion. Feel it and face it with curiosity rather than judgement, and explore it and master it in order to conquer my fear. Why am I feeling this? What can I do about it? How can I use this to make my life better?

Slowly but surely, I’m starting to master my emotions. I realise it’s what drives me to connect back into myself when I’m preoccupied with the outside world or too busy to stop and take a breath; it’s what teaches me to care about others and be compassionate, it’s what motivates me to want to make a difference to the world we live in so our children and our children’s children can live an even better life than us.

So my epiphany was that my fears actually teach me how to live.

So why are we fearful?

Past experiences can teach us old habits or the unknown can make us feel out of control or out of our comfort zone.

What can we do to conquer our fear?

ACCEPT IT: Rather than supress it, run from it or fight with it, accept the fear for what it is, feel it and face it.

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EXPLORE IT: Discover the REALITY that lies behind it, underneath it, what drives it or what the fear is there to remind you of.

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MASTER IT: Make it work for you to push you past your comfort zone, to learn something new or to even master your dreams and aspirations. What’s the worst that could happen? What’s the best that could happen if you conquer it or let it go?

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So what fear do you have that, once conquered, could change your life for the better?

Courtney ‘Co-Creator’ Wilson

m: +61 (0)417 107 888e: courtney.connect@outlook.com

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What is Your Intention for 2014?

With the ‘silly season’ behind us, January is a time of rest and reflection. To set new intentions for the year ahead and to honour the year that was. For me, my intention for 2014 is to start to ‘Cultivate Connection’ and build quality relationships both professionally and personally. The experiences of 2013, I have to say, were rough and tough. It showed up all my “stuff” that demanded some much needed attention, pronto. The year highlighted the absolute necessity for me to start relating to people differently; to respond more and react less; to go within rather than seek external validation; and to transform my co-dependent behaviour into healthy relationships.

I ask myself, what is co-dependency?

If you feel that you are not good enough, you compare yourself or search for acceptance from others, you constantly feel like you are the “victim” yet feel guilty when you stand up for yourself; you are reactive, you notice unhealthy habits or have repressed anger, these could be just a few red flags you are co-dependent on someone.

“Co-dependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships and often involves placing a lower priority on one’s own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.”

It’s important not to confuse co-dependence with caring. There is nothing wrong with nurturing; we are all interdependent, however, in short, the needs of the co-dependent are constant.

Low self-esteem and poor boundaries are two of the main symptoms of co-dependency. Co-dependents look to others for the answers and have difficulty seeing others as separate individuals, with their own feelings, needs, and motivations. They feel powerless or incompetent and at the same time responsible and guilty for others’ feelings and actions, which accounts for the high reactivity, conflict and caretaking in co-dependent relationships.

How can I overcome it?

It’s a common saying that you will largely be over your co-dependency when you recognize just how good you are!

It’s always nice to be recognized from a respected peer, friend or family, yet, in order for you to be independent and to build quality relationships you must first give at least 80% of your total recognition to yourself. A simple concept, yet at times, this can be easier said than done, because if you are anything like me, I can be my own worst critic.

In Co-dependency for Dummies, Darlene Lancer states that just a little self-examination, and redirection, may have you on a more fulfilling path. Awareness is a major first step to a new concept, and awareness alone often alleviates many symptoms. If you would like to know a little more, I recommend you watch a short 5 minute video about the 4 A’s of recovery: Abstinence, Awareness, Acceptance, and Action. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlU1bTlrGMY. I personally relate to the notion that recovery is a life long journey and love the part about taking risks and learning from them to create a positive upward spiral along the way.

For me, 2014 is the year to be disciplined when it comes to my thoughts, feelings and behaviours; to force myself to go within for the answers, recognition and acceptance. I’m going to take the risk and set healthy boundaries for myself and for those in my life. It is imperative for me to look after my own needs first and foremost, because only then can I be of true service to others and build quality, healthy relationships.

What is Your Intention for 2014?

Courtney ‘Co-Creator’ Wilson

m: +61 (0)417 107 888e: courtney.connect@outlook.com

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